Monday, February 21, 2011

Grouchy Voicemail Messages

I don't understand why people have such grouchy (or bored) voices on their voicemail accounts. The way they give their message sounds like they physically have to say it every time (instead of saying it once and the machine playing it over each time someone calls) and it's a horrible inconvenience.

What your phone says, from the ring-back to the answering service message reflects back on you. If it sounds unprofessional, and you use it for professional contact, you'll be cheating yourself out of benefits in the workplace.

I do telemarketing for a not-for-profit organization. I speak to literally hundreds of answering services every week. If I can manage to sound enthusiastic for every single one, is it too much to ask you to record a decent message once?

I think not.

I also have an issue with religious messages on the answering machine. Just this past week, one spent longer preaching than the duration of the person saying who they were and to leave a message. "Remember the Jesus Christ is your savior and he died for your sins. Cherish Him and have a blessed day."

What if I don't want to have a blessed day? What if I want to jot down your number and call back on my private line when I'm off the clock and rant and rave about how offensive I find that blessing?

I don't want to listen to you talk about your religious experience; I don't want to hear you say "I'm blessed" when someone asks "How are you?" Why am I so upset about this? One, your religion probably condemns my way of life (I'm bisexual). Two, I worship Gaia (don't confuse my with a Wiccan or a Pagan). Three, I was raised in a Christian Science household (look it up if you must). Four, I no longer consider myself "Christian."

(I won't even say "Bless you" when someone sneezes. I say Gesundheit.)

The third message type also makes even more angry, especially since it used to be on teenager's cell phones, but now it's popping up on adults too. "Hello? ...Hello?...Sorry, I can't hear you because I haven't picked up the phone. Leave a message." Funny once, never funny again; go to hell.

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