Sunday, March 27, 2016

Jesus Is Not A Zombie (Mature)

This post may not be suitable for all audiences. It contains religious humor which may be offensive.

Been a while since I've done an offensive post (not counting last week's political post), and with today as Easter Sunday, I couldn't resist.

In Christian mythology (the term is apt, don't nitpick) Easter Sunday is the day that their savior, Jesus Christ, rose from the dead after being entombed for three days. (I know, I'm leaving some details out, but I haven't gotten to the offensive part yet, so save your complaining energy for the good stuff.)

It has been joked (mostly by the non-religious) that because Jesus rose from the dead, he is a zombie. However, this is incorrect. While zombies do rise from the dead, they are inherently mindless and require the brains of living beings for sustenance. This Jesus fellow is apparently (according to a book I read on the subject) not mindless, nor does he hunger for cerebral tissue.

However, there is another creature that rises from death, who instead extends his life by using ensorcelments to ensalve and control his slaves and followers, and by feeding off their diminishing lifeforce, extends his own lifetime. To extend his lifetime into timelessness, he must continually draw from new slaves and "groupies" as the old ones die out.

This thing that I;ve described, is a Lich, and it pretty much describes this Jesus fellow to a T.


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