Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Nothing Beyond This

Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.

-"You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor

I've been a friend to many people, and more than a friend to a select number of them. Too often, I've been called to do things no friend should have to. I've been asked to pull them back from the darkness of depression and suicide.

I'm done.

Never again.

When I feel that familiar darkness creeping over me, all those people who thanked me for my kindness and my words have turned their backs. Nothing but busy signals have rung in my ear. I don't do it anymore.

You think that being depressed takes a lot out of you, but that's nothing compared to what those who try to pull you back go through. It's worse, much worse.

Only the friends who have never deserted me, always been there when I called, have helped me through my rough times. Only those friends, and they all live in my books, my stories, and my memories. As often as I've been tasked and guilt-tripped into rescuing someone else, I've always had to rescue myself.

I'm done.

Next time you decide to look into that very deep and dark well, it won't be on my shoulders. I know I sound too much like Pontius Pilate when I say it but... I'm washing my hands of the mess. You got yourself into it, now it's your turn to get yourself out.

Besides, it's quite a strengthening experience. If you can manage to save yourself, so much of the religious mumbo-jumbo seems excessive. If you can save yourself, what do you need a god for?