Saturday, September 17, 2011

Are My Friends Doing Me More Harm Than Good?

I recognize the difference between aloneness and loneliness, and for me, it's very easy to draw the line, largely because I have considerable hours invested in both states.

I feel most lonely after hanging out with friends. My friends understand how lacking my social life is, because they know what kind of person I am, so some of my friends, past more so than present, try to get me involved with their own and expand my social life (it doesn't work ).

I feel most alone after coming up from the downward spiral of loneliness, durning extended periods of being without non-work related social interactions. Life is pretty easy when I'm alone because I enjoy my own company.

Loneliness is not something easy to live with, and with schedule conflicts I have little opportunity to see any of my few friends, let alone text, making the highs (and afterward, the lows) so much greater. Yes, I value their time, our time spent together, but I fear those "lows of loneliness" that strike me after we separate may not be worth the highs of hanging out.

It may be that at this time I'm better off being truly alone, exclusive to myself, and the only one privy to company.

But I don't really know.