Wednesday, September 28, 2011

On Being Painfully Different

We lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.

-"Perfect" by Simple Plan

"It's a mess. ...You've lost everything: your father, your tribe, your best friend."
"Thank you for summing that up."

-How to Train Your Dragon

No matter what they say,
I'm not okay.
And we started at zero and went different ways
Now we're all out here wasting away.
...Seems like just yesterday, we were the same.

-"Zero" by Hawk Nelson

I don't consider myself shy because I'm not. I'm introspective, quiet, and keep to myself. I talk to myself more than I talk to others. Most of the time, I'm happier being alone than with others. Sometimes, it's painful, but it's where I'm most comfortable, so I put up with the pain.

I don't know why I can't be like so many of the people around me: social, out-going, comfortable in other's company. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid that I might be missing out on something, some experience, something I'm supposed to learn, but because I'm so often alone, I don't.

Just because there's nothing wrong with being different doesn't mean it always feels that way.

Being me is not always a nice thing, but I will always prefer being me to being someone else." I said that years ago, and only recently have I learned how true it really is.