Friday, November 4, 2011

This Is Drug Free and Yet Costs So Much

Call out to the astronaut
I need some of what you got:
I need to be high

-"The Astronaut" by Something Corporate

Your only drug will let you down.
-"The Art of Breaking" by Thousand Foot Krutch

Life can be treated so cheaply, especially in the eyes of those who don't know what they have. Feeling alive, that is a true high, yet some never feel it.

I get moments, snatches. When I'm with certain people and the moment just clicks. I stop felling like an outsider and start feeling like part of something. Of all the feeling I have aimed to duplicate in my writing, that maintains to be the most difficult. Occasionally, I get lucky; a line fits right into the story, perfect in its form and position. The rest of the time, I have to do with closest-attempt, though they still leave me wishing I could make it worth something more.

This isn't about the adrenaline high, when moving through the motions of a workout or fight. Even as natural as that can be, it is still a chemical reaction. What I seek is a high on Community, and it is far more subtle and difficult to achieve than any chemical reaction could ever be.

Too often I find myself trapped in my role, not so much anti-social as non-social. I don't sulk to a corner away from a crowd: I avoid instances where a crowd might form altogether. I don't sit alone, self-absorbed and borderline narcissistic at a party: I decline to attend.

There are far too few people who have had the power to draw me away from my non-social behavior and into a community of one form or another, but my time with them to grossly limited by scheduling and geography.