Sunday, April 27, 2014

The Blank Page Is Mine

Cause I had a little bit of bad luck
Under this crumbling world, stuck
A little sweetness keeps just out of reach
'Cause compassion is something that they just don't, just don't teach, teach

 - "Spotlight" by Patrick Stump

I'm still running away, uh oh, uh oh
Won't play your hide and seek game.
I was spinning free
with a little sweet and simple numbing me.

 - "Sweetness" by Jimmy Eat World

To touch that sweetness is to eat manna, it fills me up with a glowing sensation, a high that I never want to come down from. But I have to; I always come down from that high, and it always hurts. I want to live there, but I can't.

Because there's no manna falling from the skies in this world. I can't live on words, though they do so much to keep me alive. So I'm here, stuck between knowing what makes me feel alive and constantly being pulled away from it.

Maybe it means less to the world that I have to do it from behind a veil--I can't get high on being out with other, by being literally in the spotlight. Nobody gets a sense of entertainment by watching me create my own manna, and few enough people get it from the end result.

I can hardly satisfy my own gaping wounds from what I create after the high fades, what right do I have to hope for more?