Sunday, December 11, 2016

Times That Come

Where the bricks are fallen
We will build with new stone
Where the beams are rotten
We will build with new timbers
Where the word is unspoken

We will build with new speech
 - "Choruses from The Rock" by TS Eliot

Do not surrender your best self.
 - Rev Dr Lindsay Bates

Everything runs in cycles. Happiness and depression, life and death, profit and loss. Throughout it all the "old days" always seem better, the now days are hard, and the coming days are full of promise and foreboding.

However bad this feels, for whatever reason, know that only change is inevitable, and tomorrow could bring it.

I have suffered through many years of depression, and one thing that the experience taught me, if nothing else, is that if you can survive the moment, however infinitesimally small, then you can hold on. I called it Bringing in the Horizon. When the future years are too scary or overwhelming to deal with, stop looking so far afield, because it will only make it worse. Bring in the horizon until it's close enough to bear. A year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute, even a second.

Forget that there's always another second following the current one, forget that behind the horizon, the world continues to curl away. Instead, focus all your efforts on surviving in the now, and before you know it, the horizon will be behind you and you'll be working your way through the next one.

It's more about just surviving though. It's about maintaining your sanity, your composure, your "best self." When you're feeling better, you can either push the horizon back or focus on maintaining more of who you see yourself to be.

Some day, some hour, or some minute you'll notice that it doesn't hurt so much to claw your way back into the world, to challenge the world in being more of what it ought to be and less of what entropy tries to make it.

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