Sunday, September 17, 2017

On Not Making Excuses

A lot of people focus too much on the why. Why did things go wrong? Why did they turn out that way? Why did you do such a thing? Why didn't you do it?

Whys are a waste of time.

I used to try to excuse my behavior, but all too often I was told that they inquisitor didn't care why. That didn't stop their tongue-lashing to veer in that direction though, running through their own interpretations of whys.

I'm human. I make mistakes. I try to learn from them.

But I don't try to make excuses, regardless of how true they are, how relevant they are, how much they might bring solace. Remembering the reasons, focusing on the reasons, makes it harder to remember the lesson.

Each of us only has so much bandwidth to focus on things. Why is a script that gets caught in a loop and turns into a memory drain. It sucks up all your bandwidth leaving little room for listening to what someone else has to say, hearing their side of the story, processing their pain and suffering. Why is a distraction.

I think if we had a little less why and a little more learning from the situations that led us to the state of mind where we thought we needed a why, where we thought we needed excuses, we might be in a better place.

I'll take the tongue-lashing. I'll try to make amends. I'll try to change my behavior in the future. But I can't make myself any less human.

Don't ask me why.

I'm just a man
I do what I can
Don't put the blame on me

 - "Human" by Rag'n'Bone Man