Sunday, September 30, 2018

On Searching For Meaning Without Looking For It

The beauty of philosophy is that everyone discovers it naturally, through the very process of living... Each one arrives at the school most suited to their character as shaped by their experience.
 - Gregory Sadier, "Steps Into Stoicism"

In the beginning, I took a vacation from the Chrisitan Science church. The first one was because I suffered from teasing and joking at the hands of my Sunday School classmates. The second one was because I felt I didn't truly believe. After the third one, I would only ever come back as a critic.

My journey into Panteism was remarkably easy and straightforward. It wasn't like I had to convince myself I was going the right direction, but rather, it was a direction I was carried, like a river current carries a piece of driftwood. It felt natural.

I don't remember if Christian Science ever felt natural. I do remember that it sometimes felt like work.

I'm not suggesting that spirituality should be easy. I am suggesting that it shouldn't be an uphill battle, constantly struggling against yourself, for the betterment of yourself, through a process you've been indoctrinated to.

That I- word almost feels dirty, like you've been brainwashed or hypnotized, like you're there against your will, and Chrisitan Science has had enough false attacks and claims in regards to misconceptions that compare it to a cult... which it's not. If it were a cult, they would not have been so accepting of my departure, and they wouldn't be so welcoming when I visit, and they wouldn't be so willing to release me once I make it clear that it is merely a visit, and not me "doubting" what "truths" I "found" on the "outside."

Finding Monolatrian Non-Teleological Pantheism ws more like learning the words to a song for which the tune I already knew by heart.

Finding Stoicism was a lot more twisted.

From Incel to MGTOW to Anarcho-Capitalism to Simple Living, back to MGTOW, looking at Red Pill and Greentext and Volcel and Braincel, going back to MGTOW again before getting tired of it thrice and again, and finally to Stoicism.

And still I've read almost nothing of Epictetus or Seneca the Younger.

And still I haven't adopted it fully. Who's to say that Stoicism is where this journey ends? Maybe it's just another stepping stone to whenever I end up next.