Sunday, November 25, 2018

Could'a, Should'a, Would'a

We are more often frightened than hurt, and we suffer more from imagination than reality.
- Seneca the Younger

Too many leaders act as if the sheep... their people... are there for the benefit of the shepherd, not that the shepherd has responsibility for the sheep.
 - Ken Blanchard

Last week I was praising the succusful navigation of the aftermath of populatiry with my hand at the helm. Last Wednesday, I closed it down.

Don't get me wrong, it's not gone forever. Probably. But I underestimated the tenacity of trolls and their unending desire to leech off someone else's success. I thought in my hubris we had a community that could stand the tide.

And I was wrong.

I didn't build a community. I built walls and a ceiling and a moat. Somebody else built the community, I just gave them somewhere to come out of the wind and the rain.

I'm not angry. I'm tired. And it doesn't help that this is the worst time of year to try anything, given the blatant consumerism and minimalism-shaming. The two go hand-in-hand.

Maybe it's not for me. Maybe I made things too hard or tired to do too much. Maybe I haven't changed as much as I thought since high school, and the largest group of people I can manage is four, not three thousand.

But it will be what it will be. I'm trying not to worry about it, still trying to be the recovering pessimist, and doing what I can to focus I what I have done, what I am doing, instead of what I could have.