Sunday, February 14, 2021

I've Stopped Counting Februaries

Some people don't like me for reasons they can't always explain. Some people think that I can't find happiness in life, love, social, or self, without changing who I am. They seem to think they found the best way--the ONLY way--and in order to find whatever they found, I have to subscribe to their life rules.

I've been through a lot of therapy. Like, a lot. I had my first therapist that I remember in seventh grade, and I met with and spoke with four or five that I remember up into my late 20s.

One thing that's been made clear to me all that time is that change is good, but only if it comes from within. The men I've sat with (it's always been men, I open up better to men than women) never tried to change me along some preconceived set of rules, turning me into some cookie-cutter person. I've seen a lot of CBT from this side of the couch, and it's all been helping me look at my self from the outside and become more of a better version of myself. They're not making me into a version of someone else.

Sorry to anyone who's trying to help, but it's simple. If you think that I can't find success in work, life, or love without changing and following rules that worked for you... you're just trying to make me into you. It won't work.

I'm more likely to be happy being me, and if that means I don't have any friends, don't have any social life, don't have any special someone(s) to spend the rest of my life with, then so be it. At least I'm not chafing under the collar, trying to squeeze my feet into someone else's shoes.

If I have to become someone else to succeed, it's not my success. It's theirs.